Dating as a Single Mother with Young Children: What Do You Do? When single mothers go on dates, they often wonder how to manage their children. Do you leave them with someone else, or do you include your kids on dates with your boyfriend? How do you find time for dating in the first place?
Single mothers face many concerns when trying to enjoy a date. After my divorce, I found love again, but I often felt uncertain about how to navigate dating in this new context, which is different from my single days or family outings.
In this article, I want to share my experiences and thoughts on the dating lives of single mothers a topic that can be tough to discuss. I hope this insight proves helpful to single mothers everywhere who are facing similar challenges in their romantic lives.
Dating as a Single Mother: Balancing Romance and Responsibilities
For single mothers, dating is about more than just personal convenience or catering to their boyfriends’ schedules. Reflecting on my single days, I remember how easy it was to plan outings whenever I had free time. It could be a shopping spree, a visit to an amusement park, or a spontaneous trip to try a new restaurant I saw on TV.
Dating as a single mother, though, brings its challenges. It’s not as simple as deciding to see a partner on a whim. I’m lucky to live close to my boyfriend, but finding time for dates still feels like a struggle. My days are filled with caring for my children, which turns even casual meet-ups into a logistical puzzle.
After a long day at work, I rush to pick up my child from daycare and dive into household tasks. Laundry, cooking dinner, reviewing school notes, and sorting paperwork became my evening routine. Mothers juggle so many responsibilities. Even if I manage to squeeze in a call, it’s often interrupted by a chorus of “Mom! Mom!“
For us single mothers, raising our children comes first. While finding time for a romantic relationship can be difficult, those moments with someone special are invaluable. We all want the chance to dress up and enjoy a night out with our partners from time to time!
Should single mothers bring their children to dating, or is it better to find someone to watch them? I often choose to take my children with me.
When it comes to dating as a single mother, the question often arises: what do you do with your children during dates? Since my kids are still quite young, it’s challenging to include them in typical dating scenarios.
If I only scheduled dates when the kids weren’t around, I would hardly have time to see my boyfriend. At the same time, I feel uneasy asking someone to look after the kids every time we want to spend time together. As a result, we often opt for outings that include the children, presenting ourselves as a family unit.
This arrangement works for us because my boyfriend is understanding and supportive. I believe many single mothers with young children tend to do the same. For instance, several of my friends, whose kids are around four years old like mine, typically bring their children along when they go on dates.
I don’t know many mothers who find someone to babysit every time they want to go out, especially when their kids are still small. Of course, leaving them alone is never an option!
Still, I find myself wondering how my boyfriend feels about this arrangement. Does having the kids with us during every date bother him? While my children are happy to have him as a father figure, I can’t help but think about his perspective on the situation.
Next, I’ll discuss the pros and cons of taking my children along on dates as a single mother.
Taking your child in a Dating can enhance the connection between you and your partner!
Taking your children on dates can benefit single mothers with young kids. It allows the child to bond with the boyfriend, making it easier for them to develop a connection. For example, my child has started enjoying outings with my boyfriend, and their relationship has become much stronger.
Previously, my son often wished for a father figure, asking, “Why are there always just the two of us? All our other friends have dads!” Now, he rarely mentions it. He used to seek hugs from me when he felt tired, but I’ve noticed he seems more secure and attached to my boyfriend as well.
When single mothers start dating, they often worry about how their child will get along with their partner. One significant advantage of including your child in your dates is that it deepens the bond between the boyfriend and the child, fostering a sense of family. It can also help everyone feel more comfortable together.
Have you considered how bringing your child along on dates could strengthen their relationship with your partner?
One drawback is that either the child or the boyfriend might end up feeling isolated.
Many moms can agree that taking kids on dates has its perks, but there are also some downsides.
For one, I can’t enjoy my favorite TV shows or movies, nor can I indulge in the foods I love. There are conversations I wish to have with my boyfriend, but the kids’ chatter often takes center stage, leaving little room for us to connect.
Additionally, being considerate of my boyfriend’s feelings is crucial when planning our outings. The younger the child, the more our dating options are limited. There have been numerous occasions when my boyfriend has had to compromise on places he wants to visit or meals he wishes to enjoy, all to cater to the children.
My boyfriend, a kind man in his 40s who has never been married, appreciates kids but hasn’t experienced raising them firsthand. This sometimes leads to moments where he questions why he has to make these sacrifices. Although he generally approaches situations with gentleness, this dynamic has occasionally sparked conflicts.
Next, I’ll delve deeper into one specific argument we had and how we managed to resolve it.
I can’t catch up on my favorite TV shows or movies.
Even during a classic movie date, having kids with you can make it tough to watch either your favorite film or the one you want to see. For example, when he wanted to see a Western action movie, the kids were all about Kamen Rider! I usually have the final say, but I tend to pick something in between, like a Pixar animation.
In the end, it turned out to be enjoyable! For us as mothers, this kind of compromise is completely normal. However, for a child who isn’t used to prioritizing, it’s a little sacrifice they have to make.
At home during dinner, it often ends up being the kids’ favorite shows that we watch, which means he misses out on his favorite programs. As single mothers, we’re used to this dynamic, but it was only when he voiced his feelings that I realized the difference in our perspectives. I learned that imposing our parenting norms on others can sometimes lead to emotional misunderstandings.
Always show your appreciation whenever they join you!
In moments like these, it’s essential to show your appreciation by saying something like, “Thank you for being patient with me.” He might also be feeling a bit anxious, wondering if you recognize his efforts and tolerance.
For instance, when there’s a movie he wants to see but misses, I make sure to look for it. After the kids are asleep, we watch it together. He appreciated that I remembered his interest. Similarly, he would be delighted if you recorded his favorite TV show for him.
I can’t enjoy my favorite foods.
When we choose where to eat, the kids always have the final say on the menu. Recently, my boyfriend and I were excited about trying beef tongue at a specialty restaurant. However, while passing by McDonald’s, my child got distracted by the smell of fries and the allure of Happy Meal toys.
Ultimately, my son threw a fit, insisting, “I want to eat a hamburger!” so we ended up at McDonald’s instead of enjoying our planned meal. While it’s a cute moment for parents, it can be quite stressful for those without kids, especially if this scenario happens frequently.
At the dinner table, when the kids express a desire for their favorite foods, it makes us mothers happy to see them enjoying their meals. Although I want to encourage my child to try a variety of foods, if this pattern continues, it can feel like we are holding back on our preferences.
I once shared my frustrations with a male friend who had lived with a single mother. I told him, “Just speak up!” but he might have felt that he couldn’t be selfish in front of the kids.
Is it sometimes necessary for children to endure certain situations in dating?
It seems fair, especially when there are more children involved.
A male friend of mine once shared that he didn’t mind giving his favorite foods to his child, but he didn’t like it becoming the norm. It’s true that while the boyfriend is not the child’s parent, men who date single mothers often have high expectations, wanting everything to be resolved right away. However, in reality, things develop gradually as the relationship progresses.
I realized early on that it might be unreasonable to expect my boyfriend to have the same level of affection for my child as I do. If you’re on a date with your child and find yourselves arguing about what to eat, it’s helpful to establish rules like, “If we prioritize the child this time, we can focus on what you want next time!” Balancing these priorities is key, and it’s important to think of him as more than just a boyfriend he’s also part of this family dynamic.
He doesn’t always indulge the kids with his favorite foods; instead, he shares with everyone! By treating both the kids and himself equally, his frustrations seem to be easing. Now, he even spoils them while joking, “You’re too strict with them!”
It’s often said that when single mothers start dating, it feels like they’ve taken on another child. I can relate; sometimes, it genuinely feels like I have two sons!
I have things I want to discuss with her, but the children’s chatter takes precedence, leaving no time for us to talk.
Life with kids is lively… or rather, quite noisy! My child chatters non-stop, like a machine gun, and is always running around and busy. This energy carries over when we spend time together.
She’s very attached to him, so she tends to cling to him when we’re all together. But sometimes, during our conversations, she joins in reluctantly, and jealousy can arise between us. While it’s important to prioritize talking to the kids, he sometimes misses out on sharing his thoughts or worries, like about work or the future. He’s mentioned feeling lonely at times, even when we’re all together.
I’ve reflected on this after he recently shared how he feels. He expressed that it makes him anxious, thinking that he’s not a priority for me.
We Single Mothers Need to Make an Effort to Create Time Alone Together in dating
Men who choose to date single mothers often understand that they may feel neglected as they focus more on their children. However, it’s crucial to support him. Making time for just the two of us after the kids are asleep or occasionally leaving the kids with someone else for a short date can help strengthen our relationship.
What options do you have if you decide to leave your children with someone else while going on a date?
Where might you consider leaving them?
Even if you want to go out on a date, finding a suitable place to leave your children can be a concern. As kids grow older, they tend to play well together, making it a bit easier to manage time apart. However, when they’re still young, it can be quite challenging. I aim for a monthly date night with my boyfriend, and I’ll share how I arrange care for my kids during that time.
Mommy Friends Are the Best!
The people I trust the most for watching my children while I’m out are fellow single mothers. Since we understand each other’s situations well, I feel comfortable asking them for help without much stress. The kids enjoy each other’s company, which gives me peace of mind.
Show Gratitude
When you ask a mommy friend to care for your child, it’s essential to express your gratitude. Courtesy matters, even among friends. I believe it’s important to contribute something, whether it’s paying for food or bringing a small gift, even if money isn’t exchanged.
For example, my friends appreciate alcohol, so I often buy them a favorite bottle as a thank-you gesture. This way, it feels more like a gift and conveys my appreciation without making them uncomfortable.
It’s important not to place too many expectations on family members, as they often might not be as supportive as you’d hope. This is particularly true when it comes to dating as a single mom. In my experience, both with my family and among my mom’s friends, there’s often a lack of understanding regarding dating a single mother’s boyfriend. Many people hold the belief that leaving your children behind to go out with a man is somehow unacceptable.
It’s usually best to avoid seeking validation from family in this context. For instance, when my parents express a desire to take their grandchild out, I simply ask them to take him without mentioning my boyfriend. It’s perfectly fine to request help from family as long as it doesn’t add stress for either party. Even though they are family, it’s crucial not to impose your romantic life on them.
Use Weekday Time Wisely
When it comes to scheduling, if you have weekdays off from work, take advantage of the time when your kids are at daycare or school. In my previous relationship, both my ex-boyfriend and I were self-employed, which allowed us to carve out time for each other during the week. However, my current boyfriend typically has Sundays off, making it challenging for us to find time to meet on weekdays.
Most men tend to have traditional work schedules, leaving weekends free but making weekday dating difficult. This can pose a challenge unless both partners are available during the week.
Grateful Insights from a Former Single Mother dating
A former single mother raising a 3-year-old son shares her gratitude and reflections on her journey. After going through a divorce, she found love again and now openly discusses the lessons learned and the challenges faced during her dating and marriage-seeking experiences as a single mom.
